Wild Spirit
by Moonmessi
Summary: The Forest regrows, the Town rebuilds. Slowly, everything will heal. Yet a wolf will never be a human, and a human will never be a wolf. Set right after the events of the movie. Lots of character thoughts. Sort of Character Study. The credit of anything original goes to Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki who are BOSS!
1. Falling with the water

It was different now.

He heaved himself onto the moss-covered log. "San!" He stood up, and called again: "Sa-ah-n!"

There was no reply. He jumped off the log, continuing deeper into the forest.

Yes, it was definitely different.

And not just the way you would expect. After all, it was a different one. A different forest. It was wonderful. Younger, fresher. The trees yet not so gnarled, still not so tall, and so many new trees poking out from the earth. Its mossy ground was yet untouched. It looked sacred. Yes, sacred, that was the word. After all, it was the land of the gods.

He stepped up, onto the root entwined path, barely visible beneath the greenness.

This forest was fresher. It was newer. It was still in its prime; in its bloom.

But the old one…

His forest, the old forest, had something in it, something that this one lacked, badly. He sensed this absence as soon as he stepped onto the forest ground. It wasn't there, and the hole in its place stood out like a hungry stomach. Yes, this something was lacking– Ashitaka missed it.

Wisdom. Depth.

His forest, or so he called it in his mind, had gone through many things. It had seen Beauty, and Ugliness. Light and Dark. Happiness and Pain. Upon those gnarled tree trunks, history had been written. Blood had been spilled. Food had been shared. It was in the old forest, not this one, that the mighty wolf goddess Moro, had prowled the earth. It was in the old forest, not this one, that Lord Okkoto, the god of boars, led his troops to war. There, not here. It all happened there. All of it.

It was there.

There, he saw her for the first time.

He could picture it perfectly: the wolves, the muddy river. He could see her sucking the blood from the huge wolf's wound. Suck, and spit. Suck and spit. And then.

Then she turned around.

Her face was covered with blood, her eyes fierce, dangerous.

She spat out the blood, and wiped her mouth.

He felt something strange when he saw her: Wilderness in a walking body. He felt a…a sort of warmth. More of a burn, yet it wasn't unpleasant overall. It made him want to run, to just fly into that forest. To rip off his clothes, to fling himself upon the earth. To merge with the forest; the wild; the nature. To become one with the earth.

And when he yelled at her from across the river, she simply told him to: 'Go away.' And that was it. She left then, left with her wolves, taking a dead ox with them.

But then he knew he wouldn't ever be able to forget her.

'Clickety-click.'

He spun around.

A small, funny looking figure was standing before him, shedding a warm, pale light. Its head twisted, giving another 'clickety-click.'

"A Kodama." Ashitaka whispered. They were the spirits of the forest, the souls of the trees. The old forest had been full of them. But this was the first Kodmama he had seen in the new forest, recovering forest.

"Little one," Ashitaka said, smiling. The Kodama's head turned upward to meet his face. "Can you lead me to the Princess of the Forest?"

The Kodama clicked its head again, its hole of a mouth twisting up into a smile. It turned around, and sped off.

"Wait!" Ashitaka yelled. He pushed away a branch, and broke into a run, following the small glowing figure before him.

The Kodama, now a pale, translucent yellow, ran fast. Over logs, stones, around trees. Its little feet moving quickly, its movements seemingly flowing. Ashitaka tore after it, barely evading trees and stones. Suddenly it stopped.

'Clickety-click. Clickety-click-click.'

"Is this where she is?" He asked from behind. The Kodama rattled again, and faded, then disappeared all together. "Huh?" Ashitaka twisted his head. "Where've you gone, little one?" Silence. "Well, it seems, you brought me here….so, uh, thank you!" He called into the forest. You, you, you…It echoed. Wait, echo? Here, in a forest? Ashitaka, turned back, and pushed away the leafy branches blocking his path.

It was a cliff, a large cliff. Below it, he could see the churning waters, deep, clear, and blue, the early morning sun playing on their surface. The water itself cascaded down a waterfall from a stream, up on the cliff. There, by the stream, drinking from it was–

"San!" He yelled. San, san, san… the cliff echoed back.

She stood. "Ashitaka!" Taka, taka…

"Saaaan!" Saaaan…Saaaan…

Then, he ran. Slowly at first, then faster, faster. He curved around the cliff. Faster, faster. It began sloping upwards, but he kept running. Faster. It was steep now. Faster. Very steep; too steep. He threw himself at the wall, and began to climb. Faster, faster, faster…He pulled himself up, and leapt up onto the ground. Faster. He sped forward, faster. Leapt over the stream, faster.

He tumbled into her. "San!

"Ashitaka!"

"San." He whispered, pining her down."

"A-Shi-" She struggled beneath him. "Taka!" She cried, as she slipped out from under him.

"San." He let it roll around on his tongue, once more. It was short, simple. He liked it.

"Ashitaka!" She laughed. In truth, she had never been so glad to see someone in her life, save for perhaps her mother after the long hunting season. She hadn't realized just how much she'd grown accustomed to the strange human– to Ashitaka. He…he seemed like a...brother to her. "You're back!"

"Yes, San," He said, laughing as well. "I'm back."

"But I thought…you said you were going to rebuild…"

"Yes, but I came back. I missed you."

"But it's only been three days!"

"Not long enough? Should I go back?"

"No!" She threw her arms around him. "No, I don't want you to go back! I want you here," She laughed again. "With me. I missed you too, Ashitaka!" It was the truth. She really did want him to stay with her, right here. She wanted to show him– the way the new flowers were opening, the small grove of trees she had found earlier. She wanted to show him the cave where her clan had lived for generations. The stream where the water was so cold, and the one where it was hot. He would like it, she knew, and she wanted to show him.

"I missed you more."

They stood up, still clinging to each other. "So you didn't go back?" San asked.

"No, I did go back."

"But you still came now?"

"I did."

"Did they do anything to you?" She had seen them shoot at him – Their own kind! It wouldn't be surprising to her… "I'll skin them alive if they did!"

"San, I was only helping Eboshi's people rebuild their town."

San let go of him. At the sound of that…that creatures name, she felt as if needles were pricking every part of her. She was a giant lake, threatening to spill over. How she hated her…it. No thing like that could even have a proper gender. "That woman." She muttered.

"San…"

And suddenly, she burst. How could Ashitaka, smart brave loyal Ashitaka, go to that awful…thing? "No!" She yelled. "How can you go back to her? After what she did?"

"San, I…"

"She killed the Forest Spirit! She killed the forest!" San growled. It was her forest. Hers. And that –that woman…she…demolished it. It was her home. If it was anybody's, it belonged to her. She was its princess.

"San." Ashitaka put an arm around her, trying to gain her attention. "San! Look around you, don't you see the forest? It's all around us, and you know the Spirit lives on…in our hearts." He said. "It's alright, see?"

She pushed his arm off. "It's not the same anymore." She muttered. "And I'll never forgive her!" She growled. "Why did you save her? She deserves death! Death, you hear me? Death!" She yelled. "And you go back to that evil creature! And you help her!" San ripped off her fur cloak. "I want her to die."

"Shhh, San, listen, stop… It's fine now, the Spirit healed everything." Ashitaka murmured.

"I hate her, you hear? I just hate-!"

"San stop it! Stop it!" Ashitaka yelled. San froze. She never heard Ashitaka yell before. He was always so calm, so… He knew she hated that woman… Why did he have to yell? She breathed in. It was so strange of him. It was even…No. She wasn't afraid of him, no, she only stopped because she was…surprised. And because he asked her to. And she still hated her.

"Stop hating everything! We will live in peace!" He took a deep breath. "If you kill her, it wouldn't change anything. It would only cause anger and pain. Your mother avenged your clan. You saw it yourself."

San, despite the situation, felt a burst of pride. Pride mixed with grief, and regret. Even in her last moments, Moro, her mother, was fighting. "The woman." She spat. It was the worst insult, really. "Such a human. It's not enough for her!"

"She regrets it. I'm – I'm sure she does. Toki told me she was going to rebuild Iron Town anew. She's starting afresh, and so must you."

"Still…." She growled. "Who's Toki anyway?"

"A woman from Iron Town. I think you'll like her."

"I'm not going into that filthy human town!"

"San, we are human. You're human too…

"I'm a wolf!"

Ashitaka wasn't one for giving up. But nevertheless… He breathed slowly, and calmly. "Yes, San you are a wolf." So when he said that, he told himself, that he was only putting it back for later.

"No, I'm a–! Oh." She glared at him. "Good." Another pause. "Alright. How's Yakul?"

"Oh, he's fine. He's still tired. I would've brought him, you know. He likes you." Ashitaka said.

"I know. I…I like him too. Otherwise I would have let Takuri eat him. He's good meat." San put on her cloak again. "But he's too smart for eating."

"Yes, Yakul's a very wise Elk." He said. He loved Yakul, and to him, he was more than a steed for riding. "He saved me…many times."

"Do all people in your town ride such red elks? There aren't any in my forest." She didn't want him getting any ideas. It was her forest. And she hadn't seen red elks before.

Ashitaka sighed. "Yes. But I don't live in a town. I live in a village."

San looked up. "What? A Vlich?"

"A village." Said Ashitaka, slowly, spitting out every consonant.

"Village." She repeated.

"That's right. It's like a town, but smaller. And it doesn't make so much noise." He explained.

"I like that better. What is it called?"

"My village is called Emishi."

"I've never heard of it before."

"It used to be a…" He stopped. It was a secret, and he wasn't allowed to tell anyone. Anyone. "I….I can't tell you San." He hesitated. "It's a secret, I cannot tell you. I cannot betray my people."

"Don't." Her gray eyes bore into his. 'To betray your kind… It is like to kill your own mother.' Her brother always said. "Or I'll rip in you in half."

"I won't, " Ashitaka said laughing. "Don't worry, I won't tell you."

"Are you…going to go back to them?" San asked. She didn't know what she wanted the answer to be. She did want him to go back to his own kind.

But.

But she was used to him. She even liked him. She maybe even felt something towards him, something, she wasn't yet sure what it was. It was something…else… He was different from other humans. He had helped her before.

But he was a human.

And she – she was a wolf. A true wolf.

The humans hurt, they killed, and he was one.

When she looked at him, she didn't see a human. She wasn't sure what she saw.

He meant something to her. She missed him when he was gone. She even told him that.

But he was a human.

"No." He said. There was a touch of finality in his voice, as if he had just discovered the answer to a mystery, and now there was nothing left to figure out.

And San recognized it, really, she did. But she wanted to know. She herself knew that she would go back to her wolves, even if that meant leaving Ashitaka. So she asked: "Why?"

"I can't. I was banished." Ashitaka said, sighing.

That– that was purely awful. Why on earth would he be banished? He was a good person. A heroic person. "You-you were?"

"Yes." Now that left no room for conversation. None. Zero. So, it would have to wait for another time, San decided. "How did you find me?"

"A Kodama."

"You can see them?"

"Of course, all humans see the Kodama. Everyone does."

"I didn't know that."

That, for a reason unknown to San, seemed to amuse Ashitaka. "You didn't know that, of course… not…No. Oh San… Would you…" No. Of course she wouldn't. He had to give her more time, to cool down a bit first.

"What?" San asked.

"Nothing…I just…never mind." Ashitaka stood up. "I must go now. I need to go back." It was true. He needed to get back before the townspeople noticed his absence.

San stood up as well. "Alright."

"Goodbye San."

"Goodbye Ashitaka." She answered. Goodbye. Why not? He had to go to his Iron Town. To his humans. To that woman.

Ashitaka turned around, heading back.

She watched him leaving. He was walking slowly, barely even. It was even a bit amusing. He ran up so fast, going up, faster. He looked right that way: Running as fast as the wind. Now he was leaving, slowly. Sloooowly. She saw him bend over, and hang his feet over the stone cliff he climbed earlier. Just moments, it seemed.

Suddenly, she felt a tug. A wolf always listened to its instincts. And it was telling her… She ran to the edge.

Ashitaka saw her speeding towards him, as if he forgot something, and she was running to return it. But he didn't forget anything. Maybe…a sly thought crossed his mind, and though it was very unlike him, he let it pass. Maybe, it was she who forgot something.

"Ashi-taka!" She gasped. Why had she run off like that? "When –when will I see you again?"

So that was it. He smiled. "Meet me tomorrow, by the edge of the forest." He jumped down, his feet landing on a ledge barely big enough for them. He grabbed a handhold and started climbing down. There, now he reached the bottom, and turned back…

"When?" San yelled.

"When the sun has set!" He called back.

He turned away from her and walked onto the animal trodden path leading back to the forest.

When he reached the edge of it, with the forest standing there, looming over him like a huge green wave, he turned back once more.

There, falling with the waterfall, he saw a little white figure, diving down into the clear blue water.


	2. Anything Useful

Eboshi sighed.

She really wished she _hadn't_ woken up.

She turned over, and propped up her head with her elbow.Everything around her was so dull, so vague, and unreal, she was starting to go mad.

In fact, the only sharpness in her current existence was the ever-present pain in her right shoulder. Apparently her shoulder had a sudden newfound love for attention, and it was constantly asking, practically begging for it.

And her body was beginning to grow numb to even that.

Of course, the dullness was countered by the second option: guilt.

Not that she hadn't tried that already.

She had come to a few conclusions: The first being that _she_ _was_ to blame. She had reviewed the whole incident, in efforts to excerpt the moral. She had made a stupid promise, and she completed it, thus causing ruin to fall upon her town, and its surrounding areas.

So what could she extract from this? Don't keep your promises? Don't fight back if attacked? Listen to random boys with curses that are caused by you?

Those were all quite idiotic, she knew. So at last she came to this: Think before you do (quite obvious, that one was), and respect all other living creatures.

And don't be stupid.

She never considered herself a stupid woman. Actually, she liked to think herself as a rather clever woman. And thus, as a clever woman, it was her clever duty to amend her stupid mistakes, and (cleverly) learn her lesson.

Her head slipped, and she found herself staring at the black ground, her nose pressed to it, uncomfortably.

She turned over again, and spat out a mouthful of soil.

And she was sorry. For some things. After all, it was _she _who caused Iron Town to fall. Probably Asano would have gotten it anyway, the pig. If she had been there, and not fighting with boars like a delusional half-wit…

Well, her girls kept him at bay. Bet he wasn't expecting that.

Should she have turned back and helped them? Maybe. But not surely. Her men were gone, on the most part, Jigo's troops being the ones remaining, so what could she give to defend Iron Town? Herself? She wasn't a bad shot, yes but she was only _one. _Besides, she had a deal at the time.

She didn't really think about what would happen. She didn't dwell on the idea that she was actually killing the Forest Spirit. She didn't care about him, or the forest.

She didn't hate the forest, like the Wolf Girl hated Iron Town. She simply didn't care for it.

Not that she would mind some forest being cleared away: This land was rich, and their iron was ending. It was there, the cursed forest, blocking what she needed.

So, after summing it up, she figured she was winning.

And since she didn't care for the forest anyhow: Why not?

Now she knew, that was all stupid. Ruthless, and rather not respectful to that Wolf Child. And all of the beasts too. She didn't suddenly fall head over heels with the forest, nothing like that, but she… she _admitted _that it had its share of power and importance. Yes, that's it.

But she hated being in debt; that's why he was in such a hurry to get rid of Jigo.

And now, goddamnit, she was in debt with her _life. _

To three people actually: The first obviously being Gonza, who loyally stayed with her while she was practically bleeding to death. The second being Ashitaka: he wrapped her up, and for reasons to her unknown, convinced the Wolf Girl not to kill her. And she was in debt (as much as she loathed the fact) to the Princess Mononoke too: for not murdering her, or in other terms, for being 'convinced'.

Eboshi wasn't a person who dwelt on the past, so she went with the dullness instead. But, since that proved unbearable, she switched courses, and focused on the future.

Well then.

She was a cripple now.

In addition, she was _right_ handed, so now she would have to re-learn how to do everything with her left.

And she wouldn't even be able to hold a rifle properly. Maybe… she could talk to the lepers, surely they could design some way to latch it on to her arm…

She briefly wondered if her lepers were now healed. At least then there would be some good out of all of it.

She could fight with her left, but she was nowhere as good as before. She'd have to be trained. _ She _would have to learn how to _fight. _To take lessons. The idea was laughable. No, she concluded, she would learn _alone_.

But she would do it later, she decided. First, she would learn how to eat and write. And she would have to make sure no one was present during her meals, and save herself the embarrassment of dropping food like an infant in front of anybody. Damn it, she hated being so… _child-like_.

She glanced at the wrapped up miserable thing that was once her arm. Nothing remained. It was just a shoulder. A rather _ragged _shoulder, at that. Not even a stump. Maybe it was better that way. A stump would be a nuisance, no doubt. It would jut out, and she wouldn't be able to move it much. At least so she guessed.

It was still bleeding.

Before, it just ran in trickles, out, down, and away. Now it had stopped, to the holy graces of the Emperor, damn him, and was merely dripping.

And she was a _cripple_.

It occurred to her that in her world, a cripple could not rule a city.

Then it occurred to her that in her world, a _woman_ could not rule a city

Actually, in her world, if she followed the rules, she would still be working in that damned house, with her _darling _husband.

So she dropped the subject and went back to the endless boredom that so graciously infatuated her life, at the moment.

She turned over again, and then promptly gave up trying to be comfortable, and sat up.

A bunch of women were around her, fussing and staring worriedly.

Wonderful.

There were hushed whispers, which increased to much louder 'My lady!'s and 'You mustn't, Milady!'s, and 'Save your strength!'s.

She had half heart to tell them all to go get to work with whatever Gonza had come up with, but decided against it.

She owed these woman so much.

So she let them stay.

"Would you like anything, Milady?" Hatano asked, hurrying to her side. "Oh! You mustn't strain yourself!" She cried, seeing Eboshi's attempt to enlarge her field of vision by moving to the right.

"I'm quite alright, Hatano, and thank you for your concern." Eboshi answered. She must really look frightening, judging by the looks she was getting from her girls.

Hatano was quick to help her re-adjust. "Are you sure, my lady?"

Eboshi ignored her question, and asked another one instead: "Tell me, what is it that Gonza is planning?"

"He-he had us go into the forest, and look for lost supplies, Milady."

Eboshi thought about that one for a second. Not the smartest thing to do, but it wasn't a bad option. "And have you found much?"

"No, not much, my lady."

"Is it enough to build a small shelter? For our people?"

Hatano stared at her for a second. "I-I wouldn't know, Your Ladyship." She stammered.

"And the boy, Ashitaka, has he stayed, or has he gone to the forest?"

A relieved smile flickered across the young girl's face. "He's here, my lady. He was with Toki when I last saw him."

"Would you do me a favor, Hatano?" Eboshi asked, sounding hopeful, though for Hatano's sake alone. "Would you ask him to come here?"

"Of course, Milady." Hatano bowed slightly, and hastily hurried to the Meadow. As if, Eboshi thought sourly, she wanted to get away from this haggard looking woman who was her mistress.

"Thank you." She said to Hatano, who no doubt was already running across the green field. And at the same time, she said it no one in particular. Maybe to the gods, in a bitter irony, or to whoever it was that kept her alive through this hell life.

She twisted one more time in the dirt, and propped herself up with her only arm.

Then she realized she really wanted a bath. And she really, wanted it badly, no, needed it, and _right now._ A _steaming hot _bath. Another one of those unattainable wishes. At least for the time being, it was impossible. The best replacement would be a cold swim in the river, or the lake. Eboshi shivered at the thought. Could she even _swim_ now, that she was one armed? She shivered again. No, she probably couldn't.

So she resided to pestering the kindly women around her for information. Anything useful. Gods knew, they needed it.


	3. Basics

**Cookies and shout out for everyone who reviewed so far. Ghpv, OS, Guest, and Lady of the Spirit, here are your cookies: (::) (::) (::) (::) You guys are awesome! (Sorry if some of the guests are repeats, but I can't tell, so I'll count you as different people)**

**AND****…here's the re-do:**

"Hurry up!" Toki yelled. Her voice traveled through the misty air, and reached him after a moments delay, probably sounding much softer than it was originally intended.

Ashitaka wiped his forehead. "Coming! Give me a moment!"

Toki's face appeared behind a mossy rock. Rather half of her face. "You know, you may be gorgeous, but you're still pretty slow without your – whadoyacallit? –demonic strength." She stood up, revealing herself fully.

Ashitaka grinned. He didn't take offense to Toki's…comments. It was all in good nature.

"You found anything else yet?" She asked him, as she snatched at his load of broken wood. "Gimme that."

Ashitaka handed it to her. " 'Sides' that? No…You?"

"Uh-uh. Well yeah, some, but it's not much." She glanced back at her pile. "There's hardly anything left of Iron Town. Hardly enough to rebuild it. I don't know what that oaf's thinking." 'That oaf', was a reference to Gonza, who had taken charge of the whole ordeal. Personally, Ashitaka liked the man, even if he wasn't on best terms with him from his own experience. He wasn't exactly defined as pleasant. Maybe it had been the loyalty he had shown to Eboshi, which had touched him. Then again, _all _of Iron Town was loyal to Eboshi.

"It's better than nothing. Come on, lets go back Toki, we're through with this area." Ashitaka said.

"Fine." She answered. "You wanna go to The Meadow again?"

"Why not? Isn't that where we're gathering the supplies?"

"Duh!" Toki rolled her eyes. "Here," She dumped his wood back into his arms. "Let's move!" She grabbed her own pile, tied up in a makeshift net of head wraps, and other oddities.

They walked side by side for a while, feeling the softness of the atmosphere all around them, seemingly settling down on their shoulders.

"You know, it's sort of nice here in the forest." Toki re-adjusted the 'bag' on her shoulder.

Ashitaka held back a snicker. Oh, how precious little she had seen of the forest. What they were walking through right now was hardly the beginning. He had a feeling she would continue liking it, should she venture deeper into it.

She noticed his grin. "No, really, it has a sort of…calming thing going on."

Ashitaka stayed silent for a while. "What do you think of it all?" He asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"What do think of it all? I mean, the…events that happened, what do you think of them?"

Toki stared at him for a moment, and then laughed. "It's all crazy." She said. "We showed those Ass-anos though! Showed 'em good! It'll be a while before they show their stinking pig snouts in here!" A more serious look came over her face. "Well, anyhow, Iron Town's gone…"

Ashitaka climbed over a root. "Here," He said, offering her a hand.

Toki rolled her eyes again. "Thank you very much, my lord." She snickered. "You gotta give Kohoroku lessons." She stepped over the root. "The Wolf Girl though –"

"San." He interrupted.

"Huh?"

"San, her name. Her name is San."

She gave him quizzical look. "Oh, okay then. _San_. She's – Well I don't know the whole story. Only the rumors. You know, you better call a gathering or something soon, and tell it to everyone all at once. They can say some pretty nasty things you know, once they get around to it…"

Ashitaka didn't exactly feel like relating his adventures to the entire population of Iron Town, at least not at the moment.

"Oh, look, there's The Meadow!" Toki yelled. "KOHOROKU!"

The man looked up and dropped his current load: a few wooden planks. "Oops…" He muttered. "My precious flower!" He called.

Said precious flower, Toki, looked definitely angry. "What on Earth are you doing? Here? I told you to go out and gather supplies with Jigo!"

Kohoroku looked down. "Well, uh, about that…" He mumbled, looking much like a schoolboy who was being told off.

Toki sighed exasperatedly. "_What?_" She asked impatiently.

"They, uh, kinda sent me, uh, back, you know, back here…" He trailed off, bracing for an attack.

It came. "What? They sent you back? _Again?_ Why -What did you do this time? Oh forget it, you useless lump of –Ugh! Why do I have to always have to do it myself?"

Kohoroku seemed to have discovered something very interesting in his left foot, because he was staring at it, utterly fascinated.

"Don't answer that either! And pick up that stuff you dropped… Where are the things you found?"

"Uh…" Kohoroku tilted his head at the pile he was struggling to contain in his arms.

"That's it?! Gonza may be wrong in the head, but his ideas have an even smaller chance happening with workers like YOU! I really need a real husband!"

"Sweetness…."

"Toki, his arm's still healing…" Ashitaka said, stepping in, taking up the familiar role of peacemaker.

"You could open the gates with a damn _bullet wound!_ And he can't even carry a piece of wood! Usele-"

"Ashitaka!"

He spun around. Hurrying toward him was Hatano, a woman from the bellows.

"What is it?" He asked, dropping his load into the ever-growing pile in the center of the small clearing.

"My Lady…She has requested to see you…"

Ashitaka popped back up like a bullet. "Wait, Eboshi woke up?"

"What, you still don't know?" Toki cried. From what Ashitaka knew, Eboshi blacked out at some point, and stayed that way.

"Milady woke up early in the morning, when you two dunderheads were sleeping. Least you were." Toki continued, poking Kohoroku in the side.

"That's good." Ashitaka answered. "Have you seen –?"

"Yeah." Toki said. Her eyes clouded for a moment. "She's…you'll see for yourself, I guess."

A gloomy atmosphere filled the air. These people cared about their mistress, you could tell from just looking at their expressions. Ashitaka himself wasn't too found of the woman, considering what she had done, but he definitely didn't want her to die. She, despite her negative qualities, was a good leader, and now her people needed her most, when their town was gone. If she died… Ashitaka wasn't sure what would happen, really. Probably Gonza would take over. He liked him, sure, but, as Toki said, he was a bit on the dumb side. Besides, he didn't have much skill in leadership. Personally, Ashitaka thought Toki would make a good leader. She wasn't as cool and composed as Eboshi, but she had something in her that made people listen.

Of course, there was the inevitable option that _he…_ _'NO.'_ Ashitaka pushed the thought far, _far _away. _'Not happening.'_

"I…I'd better go now." Ashitaka said, finally breaking the silence.

"I'll lead you back to her, then." Hatano said quietly. Normally she would be enthralled to be walking with the handsome Ashitaka, but her mood was dampened. She didn't even bother to pull up her robe, which was sitting a bit low.

"So…" Ashitaka started, obviously trying to start a conversation. "Eboshi woke up?"

"Yes."

"She's on the edge of the forest with the other women?"

"Yes."

"It's nice weather isn't it?"

"Yes, it's nice."

_'This isn't going anywhere,'_ Ashitaka realized. He could have dropped the subject anyway, but he persisted just for the sake of it. "So how is the construction going?"

"It's alright."

"I'd love to help you and the girls with the actual building, once we get to it."

That got a light blush on her cheeks. "That would be great!" At least now she sounded honestly pleased. It was nice to have something more normal coming from her. Not everybody got over the loss as easily as Toki did.

Hatano stopped. "She's just between those trees there. Go on, I have to go look for supplies, it's my shift now."

"Thank you for bringing me here."

She gave him a slight wave. "My pleasure."

Ashitaka waved back, as he watched her turn and jog over to The Meadow. Then he turned around and proceeded to go over to the trees Hatano showed him.

He bent down under a branch, and stepped inside the small canopy the trees created.

"It's Ashitaka!"

"Move aside, Kiyoko!"

"That's my foot!"

"Look at him!"

"Where's his shirt?"

"Don't know about you, but I hope he lost it for good!"

The excited whispers, gradually turning into gossipy, rather _loud_ comments, filled the air, as soon as he set foot in the little clearing.

His eyes scanned the women, looking for Eboshi. He guessed her to be in the middle of the most populated bunch. He signaled for the girls to move aside, and they hastily obeyed. When they did though, he had to stifle a gasp.

In fact, his first instinct was to jump back, and get far away from that pale, ghostly…_thing._ Slowly, his eyes took in the familiar ribbon in the straggles of dark hair, still remaining somewhat in its usual style, the same pattered kimono… _It_…that thing indeed was Eboshi.

She was sitting in the dirt, her back propped up by a large boulder. There was a circle of women around her, and she seemed to be quite displeased, probably quite normal after losing an arm. Her lips, which he remembered a bright painted crimson, were twisted into a grimace of a blistery hue.

He could clearly see her under all of that…_paleness_, yet part of him barely recognized her at all. It scared him, and for that moment he was sure she would die within seconds, collapse onto the ground and never rise again. In short, she looked _hideous._

At the right shoulder, he could see the blood seeping through the familiar cloth. That was…that _used to be_ his shirt. It really was quite ruined. It looked like he'd have to run around shirtless for while longer.

"Ashitaka." She greeted him.

And then, when she said his name, he realized that Eboshi was going _nowhere_. It was her tone of voice, still as fresh and skeptical as ever, and _still_ rather annoyingly smug, which made him realize that. This woman was staying right here, and did not plan on leaving anytime soon.

He tilted his head in acknowledgment. "Lady Eboshi."

She made a move to stand up, and the women, as one, rushed to her aid, worried words spilling out from every direction. She pulled through with it though, with a decidedly stubborn and annoyed look on her face. Ashitaka decided it was quite stupid of her, actually.

A woman, whom he recognized to be Kiyoko in the deep recesses of his mind, cried out, as she ran over to Eboshi. Perhaps she was Eboshi's maid, or something feminine like that… Looked like this Kiyoko agreed with him.

But Eboshi managed to stand upright, straightening her back to its usual posture. She rolled her shoulders back, the right one screaming and protesting, but she ignored it, as she had established before she wasn't going to give the thing a damn. She lifted her chin, and let the sensation sink in. Oh, it felt _good_. Good to be out of her little world of dullness. Unfortunately, her head had decided to become dizzy, and completely ruin the moment. "So I see you've decided to stay and help us rebuild the town." She said.

"I wouldn't abandon Iron Town."

_'Yet you would abandon your Wolf Girl, Ashitaka?_' She risked taking off her supporting arm from the rock; to wave the women away, and quickly returned it. "You are here to stay?"

"For the time being." He answered. He was going to finish helping with Iron Town, and then he would probably live there, and he would visit San for perhaps longer periods of time, and… Well, he still had to figure out the details, but time was plentiful.

Eboshi's head was beginning to spin in circles, so she carefully lowered herself to the ground. "Come sit." She said, gesturing with her head to the space in front of her.

Ashitaka complied. He faced her, and they sat there, looking at each other for a while, the tension evident in the air.

"So…" Ashitaka hated moments like this, and, though he _could _stand his ground, he wanted desperately to dissolve them. "How's your arm?" He could have smacked himself, right there. Normally the talking went rather well for him, but this… Her arm was _gone_, so she might as well answer 'rotting in the jaws of a blown up wolf skull.'

She smiled, though he could see it was fake, and, not committing herself to any of her previous options, answered: "Alright."

"I am glad to hear that." He said.

She gave him a look that said '_I seriously doubt it.'_ Ashitaka wondered if he really _was_ glad to hear it, or if he was just being polite, and came to the conclusion that he actually was beingsincere. Mostly because he _knew_ that people would turn to _him_ as their new leader. Not to brag, or anything, but it really was rather obvious…

Eboshi closed her eyes briefly. "I have come to discuss with you several things, Ashitaka." She said opening them again.

_'Alright.' _She was expecting an answer; he could see that. "Which things, Milady?"

"I…I would like to thank you, and to apologize for the wrongs I have done you."

At that moment Ashitaka could have thought many things…many _worthwhile _things. But what he actually thought was: _'Interesting.'_

She looked sincere enough, and quite miserable too. She was probably was more displeased by the fact that she actually had to thank him, rather than for what she did, though. Considering her proud nature, he could definitely see that as reality.

He _would_ forgive her of course, and actually he already had done so within his mind, as soon as he saw her sitting there, looking every bit like a ghost. He could bet many gold pieces she hated that too. Being pitied didn't seem like her favorite pastime, judging by the sour expression on her face.

And he _had_ saved her life, so she _did _owe him thanks.

To tell the truth, he wasn't sure what to think of her.

If she wasn't so plainly _pathetic_ looking, he might of felt a surge of hatred. After all, she was disgustingly greedy, selfish, and horribly one-minded. He could live with that. It was easy: just hate her. Done.

But…for reasons, sadly _known_ to him, he couldn't.

It would have been much simpler, if she had been completely evil. He could hate her without regret, and maybe even kill her without regret. He could have complied his demon arm back then, in her leper room, when it had a not-so-sudden urge to kill her, and it all would have never happened.

But, considering she was just the amount of evil that she was in real life, he would live in guilt and hatred, and eventually die of the curse anyway.

She _had _killed the forest spirit. It _was_ her fault that it turned into a demonic monster that killed everything in its way. She was to blame for quite a bit, actually.

One could argue, in her defense, that Jigo had manipulated her.

And indeed, if Eboshi had been a weak sniveling coward, who barely kept a grip on a horribly failing Iron Town, he might have believed that.

However, in her case, it was nothing but an excuse. She was well able to handle her own business, and of thinking on her own, so manipulation was out of the question. '_A big girl.' _Ashitaka thought sardonically. If he was more of a theatrical person, he might have pretended to wipe away a tear, and mutter something about growing up. But now wasn't the time or place. He probably wouldn't be able to pull it off with anyway.

So, the '_big girl'_ had no choice but to take the blame for much pain, and loss. She was to blame, because of her greed and disrespect.

But.

A hated 'but' which spat reality, and twisted things to complication, yet a present one nevertheless.

She had done good things, too. She had seen humans in sickly, hated lepers, and taken them in under her wing. She had freed prostitutes and given them an opportunity to live a happy life. She _had_ done well for her people, and led them well. She even paid with the cost of her arm for her misdeeds.

So, Ashitaka had come to the conclusion, that Eboshi could perhaps, only perhaps, improve, and once again _perhaps_, he could stand on one side with her. He would forgive her, and accept her thanks, despite her 'evil side'. It was time, as he told San that morning, to start afresh. To live.

For now, he'd have to settle on just disliking her, and doing so quietly.

He swallowed, and looked at Eboshi straight in the eye. "I accept your apology." He spoke. "And I accept your thanks as well."

Eboshi looked relieved, and maybe even a bit surprised. "I thank you for doing that. " She said slowly. "It shows you are a good person." '_Better than me, for instance_,' she added silently. "Not many would be able to do it."

Instantly his attention flashed over to San. '_No' _he thought bitterly, '_not everyone.'_

As if reading his mind, Eboshi continued quietly. "I only hope the Princess Mononoke," Her name, she remembered, was either Sen or San or something like that... Probably the latter, but she couldn't be sure, as she wasn't concentrating on that when she heard it mentioned. Actually, she was quite busy hoping that the girl would leave her to die quietly, instead of violently ripping her throat. The fact her arm had been bitten off was quite distracting as well. "San," She continued, saying the word quickly so that her possible mistake would go unnoticed. Apparently that _was_ right, judging by Ashitaka's lack of correction. "will forgive me as easily." She finished.

Ashitaka looked around _un_easily, and was quick to change the subject: "You mentioned that you have called me to discuss more than one thing."

"Yes."

He tilted his head, silently inviting her to continue.

"Gonza has been gathering dead wood, from what I know." She stopped, and realized that was _all_ she knew. "Actually, I was hoping you would enlighten me further, as my knowledge on the subject has been cut short."

"There isn't much more to know."

"And what are people eating?"

He didn't expect that. She was right down to business now that they have gotten over the 'emotional' part of the fiasco. '_Fine, then.' _He wouldn't get emotional _either. _"They have gathered some edible grasses on the outskirts of the forest, and they killed some oxen for meat."

She seemed to be lost in thought. "That will never do…" She raised her head. "How many men and women are left?"

"Nobody knows."

"I'd like to. If you don't mind me asking, please tell Gonza to count everyone."

"Alright."

"And the wood– We will trade it for medical supplies. The men know the way. Tell Gonza to assemble a group to go to the trading market."

"I will do that."

She shifted, and leaned heavily on the boulder. "We need to count the sick and injured. Separately." Then she looked at him with a questioning look. "Are my lepers healed?" Her voice was slightly shaky, he noted, and she seemed to stiffen up.

The lepers, he realized, could have indeed been healed, according to the legend. But they weren't. "I'm afraid not, Milady." He said, trying to sound grave. Not that he was jumping up and down at the subject, but he couldn't feel too much real sorrow for the lepers; they actually seemed quite content at the moment. Maybe they didn't know they _could_ have been healed. He decided it would be best not to tell them after all.

She stared past him, with a lost look on her face. After all, her lepers seemed to be one of the few things she seemed to care for… Then she pulled herself together, and continued: "We will make a makeshift village, where we shall heal the weak. We will gather our strength, and then, when we are powerful enough, we shall rebuild Iron Town." That sounded grand enough. Besides, she needed time to think. "We will have to gather any valuables, and trade them for food. And we _shall_" She looked at him pointedly. "hunt in the forest. You can tell your princess that she hunts just as much, so I don't see a reason why we can't, for the time being."

Ashitaka looked at her coldly. "That would be repeating the same mistake you made before. The same mistake _you promised to amend._"

"The other option is starving to death, which doesn't sound very appealing to me, " Eboshi stated calmly. Ashitaka unwillingly shivered at the way the woman spoke of death with such lenient ease.

"Killing animals is hardly better than killing trees. In fact, it isn't an improvement." He said sharply.

"Yet we'll be killing much less lives this way. We will only hunt for the larger, older animals, using our meat sparingly. You can be sure of such, since we have a limited amount of bullets."

"You're still going to use Ishibiya!" Ashitaka exclaimed, as he jumped to his feet.

Eboshi looked at him, her expression shrewd. "There is nothing wrong with using Ishibiya."

Ashitaka stared at her. Had he been mislead? Had nothing really changed? "Don't you see? Your bullets were the things that created demons! Nago! Nago, the boar god, whom _your_ bullet turned into a demon. The demon I fought with. The demon who cursed me. It was your bullet that cau–"

"I've heard enough of your troubles, Ashitaka!" Eboshi interrupted. Her voice cut through his like steel, sharp and cold. He turned his gaze up to stare into her face, and was met with blazing angry eyes, that seemed to bore right through him. Suddenly those eyes, along with the deathly paleness of her face, the grim line of her lips, caused such a frightening countenance, that her resisted the urge to step away, and give in.

But he wouldn't. "Have you, Eboshi?" He asked, his icy tone matching hers. "Have you? It doesn't seem so. Otherwise you wouldn't want to use _bullets_."

Eboshi's penetrating gaze never wavered. "I think you've made your point perfectly clear. A misfortune happened to you. A misfortune thrust upon you by _me_."

"I never said I was blaming you. Let me tell you once more: humans must live in harmony with nature. They must stop destroying. Bullets will lead to horrible things, such as demons and curses." Ashitaka answered, stolidity etched onto his face, shielding the anger he felt inside.

The woman sharply stood up, on hand on the boulder. "You are just a boy. A boy who had one misfortune, and can't forget about it. But misfortunes happen. Loss happens. Death happens." She leaned down, and suddenly her face was level to his. "_You live with it._"

Those words, contrary to the steely tone before, were so bitter, so otherworldly in their anger, that for a moment, Ashitaka was lost for words. He stared at those fervid eyes, not knowing what to do, or say.

How much time passed, before they softened, he didn't know. It seemed like forever, but he stared on, not willing to lose.

It was Eboshi who looked away first. She sighed heavily, and when she looked at him again, no anger remained.

The message was clear: He had won this argument.

She sat back down, and propping her head up with her remaining fist, sighed once again. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "Your curse was of my fault, and you have a right to be angry." She looked away from him. "I'm afraid I must apologize again."

"Apology accepted." Ashitaka said.

She studied him for a moment, and said: "Sit."

Ashitaka stooped, and sat down again.

Eboshi looked at him tiredly. "The people must have food. We need our oxen to travel. It's our only option to gain any trade."

"I understand that."

"Ishibiya are quick, safe, and painless weapons. Swords lose the advantage of distance, making hunting harder. Arrows are more primitive, and don't offer such a high percentage for success. Both are rather painful for the prey. A well placed bullet kills instantly."

"I don't want to risk the possibility of more demons." Ashitaka answered.

"But surely only gods can turn into demons."

"I do not know of the way the spirit world works, now that the Forest Spirit is dead."

Eboshi's eyes once again flitted away from his face. What was that behind the carefully layered mask? Shame? Ashitaka couldn't be sure, but found himself wishing with all of his might it was.

"Jigo Bou is in charge of many hunters, isn't he?" He asked.

Eboshi sighed again. "Yes. He uses traps. It is a slow method."

"It is safe."

"Then tell him to send out his best trappers. Each person will carry Ishibiya with them _for_ _self-defense_. Would that be suitable?"

"I'm not the one who knows of the forest ways. I would have to ask San."

"Ask her then."

Ashitaka knew San wasn't going to be too enthusiastic about the idea, but Eboshi _did _have a point: the people had to eat _something_. "I will."

"Good. And please tell her that I thank her for not ripping me apart when she was open to such a possibility. And I would like to thank you for that as well."

Ashitaka, knowing very well it would do absolutely nothing, answered: "I will say to her just that."

"And I apologize, though I doubt that will affect her opinion on me, but I do nevertheless." She stood up. "You may go now, if you wish." She said.

Ashitaka took the opportunity, and bowed his head. "I will report to you tomorrow."

Eboshi watched him leave, and quickly sat down on the ground. Damn it, she was dizzy. Well, she just went through _that_. Her mind seemed to really be getting rusty from all of this 'doing-nothing' if she was losing arguments to seventeen year olds. On the other hand, had she really apologized to her sworn enemy? To give herself credit, she just _did. _True, it was through Ashitaka, but she could pamper herself a _little _bit, couldn't she?

And now, she thought, she was going to allow herself the luxury of being alone. She closed her eyes, and leaned back onto the rock.

Yes, they would first get stronger, and then they would rebuild Iron Town.

Just like she would have to learn how to write before fighting.

_'Always start with the basics'_, her grandmother used to say.

So she would start with the basics.

**Disclaimer is in the summary.**

**SO! I was reading through this, and I realized Eboshi said: "I feel like hunting in the forest and using bullets, and all that jazz****…" And Ashitaka just went: "Okey dokey! I tell San….Missssstresss…." Which is SO messed up…**

**So, I rewrote that part, and Eboshi and Ashitaka ended up having a HUGE argument! Yay! For you guys who got confused by Eboshi's little "shit happens" speech, I DO have a history behind that. There's some video on youtube: 'behind the scenes of Mononokehime' or something like that, and in it Miyazaki says that Eboshi gets annoyed by Ashitaka's endless "I have a curse that will kill me!" (You gotta admit he does that a lot). That's the reason she says: "I'm getting a little bored of your curse, Ashitaka. Let me just cut the damn thing OFF!" According to Miyazaki, she can't stand Ashitaka getting 'stage center'. She probably had her own share of 'fun stuff'( if you get my drift), and now that she just lost an arm, she probably hates him even more for it. So that's what provokes her to go all scary-scary on Ashitaka.**

**Again, fifth chapter is gonna be ALL SAN!**

**Please review!**


	4. Loss

**HI! Guess what? I****…LIED! I decided to give you guys an all San chapter in the FOURTH submission! I realized it would make more sense for me to post this chapter before the one I was planning to post instead. Also… If you haven't read the redo of Chapter 3 do it NOW! If you want to understand what's going on, of course. And there's some minor edits in chapter two as well, but it's not that important. SO…TADAAAA! I proudly present…SAN! **

She watched them carefully, explaining in her mind every move. They were making something out of those mud lumps; she could see it.

When San was very young, she often would do the same: The ground near the river was very dense and sticky, and it was quite fun to squish it around in her fingers, and roll little balls. When the balls were dry, they became hard. With those little balls she would get what she wanted many times: She could throw them; she was actually very good at it, and when her brothers came near something that belonged to _her_, she would bombard them with the mud balls. Her brothers would then have two options: Either to stay and endure the attack, or run away. Usually they did the latter, and so San would be left to her own property. They themselves couldn't repeat the act because they _couldn't _make such little balls.

She had _hands_: ugly, scraggly, things that were _very _useful.

She used them for everything. And though they were quite ugly, they were much more comfortable than beautiful paws.

Besides, she was used to being ugly. She just was. She walked on her hind legs, with ugly feet sticking out at the ends. She had strange lumps on her chest. Two strange lumps, both ending with something that looked like the bite of a bug. Though her mother had the bug bites too. Her mother said they were for feeding pups. And San decided the could live with that. She didn't have a snout and a wet black nose: instead she had a dry nose, and a separate mouth. Her teeth weren't sharp. She was hairless, except for her head, and the areas under her arms and between her legs. On her head was that ugly mud brown tuft: It was always too long, and getting in the way. She cut it every warm season. She had the hair on her head as long as she could remember. The other hair started growing much later.

She dreamt of having a long snowy coat of fur like her beautiful brothers, and like her mother. She was the most beautiful wolf: So big, and white. But San didn't have a beautiful snowy fur coat: Instead she was bare, and ugly. Over time she got used to her ugliness. So she didn't mind her hands one bit, in fact she rather liked them.

And using them, she made the balls.

She used her little balls to her advantage for a long time. One day, Taichi, her brother, found a little ball like that, except it was black and shiny, and much heavier. They took it to their mother, and she, after telling the young girl to drop it and never touch it, explained it was evil: That the humans used them to kill animals and gods. It was called a _bullet_, and it was made out of _Iron_.

Next time she used her mud balls, Koji, her other brother called them bullets: She stopped ever since.

Her ugly hands had many other benefits. Though she didn't have sharp teeth and claws like a proper wolf, she could, using her hands, make a fake one; and a better one too. It was called a knife, her mother told her, and it was another human tool: yet this one wasn't as evil. So she kept her knife, and made more: She learned some were called swords, or spears, depending on length and structure. So, after all she like her scrawny hands.

And now, here she was, watching many more ugly creatures like her. They walked on their hind legs, they didn't have wet noses or snouts, were hairless, clawless, and soft teethed. Some had white hide, or _cloth, _as they called it, on their heads, and some had sudden hair like she did. They too, had two ugly bumps on their chest. They were just like _her_.

They were humans.

She had heard stories of the times when the forest had owned the land. Stories of the world before the humans had taken it away. She had heard of times, when the forest grew on the whole mountain, and it was green, and life was plentiful.

Then, came the humans. They had set up a settlement on the small island in the middle of the lake, where no body lived anyway. At first, no one minded them. Only the apes yammered on about how those humans were going to be the end. Nobody paid any heed to either ape or human. She remembered those days herself, now without stories, for she, San, third daughter of Moro, had lived during those days, those dying days of peace, with the storm cloud looming over them, just barely visible in the distance, hovering on the horizon.

She herself– She was San. Her mother had named her so, because she was the third child. She was the proud wolf child, respected for her agile skill and tool making. Despite her ugliness and weakness, she strived to be equal to any other, and she succeeded. She was an honorable wolf in the wolf clan of Moro. She lived with her wolf brothers in the forest, dominating the wild, living a life of utter happiness.

But the humans– they changed everything. For fifteen full moons, they lived quietly. She would often watch then, curiously, eagerly. She rather liked them at first. They had built funny looking shelters, and they were climbing all over them, building more. Like ants. The biggest one had an opening at the top, and strange looking _stuff _came out of there. It looked like blood in water, like when you cut your finger, and stuck it in the water. It came out like that. Or like the clouds, but moving much faster. But this stuff was neither white, like the clouds, nor red, like the blood. It was an odd, heavy gray color. She liked watching this gray cloud pouring out of the opening: the wind would catch it, and throw it around, creating odd wispy patterns. One day she came too near, and the gray cloud mixed with the air. It had been awful and choking. She started disliking the humans just then.

It was that day, when the rumors spread, she remembered the shock, that the humans had dared set foot in the forest, and they had started cutting down trees. The apes had gone ballistic: They swang from tree to tree, screaming wildly, about the danger, the horror that would come. It was Nago's, the boar god's, forest they had the audacity to enter. They had a good laugh at that: Nago would make them pay.

He did. The humans scattered from the forest, as the boars broke the brown gates they made out of trees. She realized, that they had been taking trees all along, just only from the island, and that the funny buildings were made out of hundreds of dead trees from the island's forest. It disgusted her, that they had killed trees and made shelters out of their bodies.

They all knew that Nago would drive them out, and that there was nothing to fear. And maybe it would have been that way– if not for the Gunwoman.

She came one day, with men and strange 'guns' that fired balls of fire. Bullets, San realized with increasing horror. This woman had come to her forest with evil bullets and 'guns' and men. She lead her men to battle with Nago. She shot a bullet in his side. She drove away the boars, and let the humans clear the forest away to dig the ground. She had instilled fear and pain in the hearts of the gods living in the remaining forests.

The Gunwoman helped the humans fight off the boars, but she didn't help and go. No. She stayed and became the leader of their town. They continued digging up the earth: searching for the material that made evil bullets: Iron.

San swore on her life she would protect her home. So did her brothers and her mother. If a similar fate was to be bestowed upon them, as upon Nago, they would fight to the death.

The Gunwoman became her sworn enemy. She, if killed…now that would resolve everything. The humans would be weak without their leader, and most likely flee. If that woman were killed, the humans would leave. And the forest would be free again.

San tried sneaking onto the island, to do her job. To kill the Gunwoman, and to free the forest. She was caught on her first try: She managed to get away, but she had lost the element of surprise. On the other hand, she had imbued terror in the townspeople. The people of the town, _Iron Town, _knew about her now. They had proclaimed her the 'Wild Beast Princess' or 'The Princess of Vengeful Spirits': The Princess Mononoke.

She held that title with pride, and with honor. She was proud of it; she became the 'Princess Mononoke', gladly. It meant she was the protector of the forest.

She had become a frequent visitor in the town. But the Gunwoman was elusive, and had many men to protect her. It was dishonorable to have guards. It was cheating: to have men's lives to guard your own. Disgusting.

Sometimes, she managed to actually get the Gunwoman: A slash to the chest, to the arm, to the leg. Yet sometimes, the Gunwoman got her too. She proved to be, as much as San hated to admit it, an agile fighter, moving swiftly and precisely. Perhaps dishonorable, but a worthy opponent.

It was the Gunwoman who shot her mother, with an evil bullet, that lived in her mother's chest. That would never be forgiven. She promised she _would _kill her next time.

She might of. If.

If Ashitaka hadn't come along.

But he _did_ come. He saved the Gunwoman's life, he saved San's life, and so made his entrance. He stayed between the two sides: undecided, a dangerous position. She spared his life too. She wasn't sure completely why. He was a clever, sneaky one: when she was about to cut off his head, he told her, _her,_ _ugly hairless San, _that she was beautiful. She was so shocked by this bold lie that she jumped back. And saw him. There he was, lying in a pool of his own blood. He had a bullet wound, from his own humans. That was terrible: his own kind turned against him. She was saddened by the sight, and decided to let him live.

He changed her life.

After that: the war with the boars, Lord Okkoto changing into a demon. Moro and Okkoto; both rendered lifeless, the Gunwoman with her gun, the Shishi-Gami, the very _Spirit of the Forest's_ head falling down onto the ground. The trees withering before her eyes; the Kodama falling. It all seemed like so long ago, when really it was only a few days.

Ashitaka: He was too kind for his own good. He didn't understand what the situation was: It was either the forest or the humans. She tried to make him understand, she did, but he wouldn't. He said he would help both sides. He dragged the Gunwoman and her straw-hat-man out of the water, and helped them, _them, _who had killed the forest. And he expected her, the proud protector, the Princess Mononoke, to just…forgive that woman, and _help _her too, as if nothing had happened. She wanted to kill that woman. Kill her. She deserved it. She shot off the head of the Forest Spirit, without a second thought taking away the home of so many living creatures. She killed San's mother. She was nothing but a disgusting, dishonorable, low life creature who knew nothing but how to swing a sword, and how to hold a rifle.

But Ashitaka was wiling to help her. Despite everything, he wouldn't leave a creature, even such a low-life one as the Gunwoman, to die.

There wasn't much left of the forest. Time was running short, and he was trying to help the humans. It was an utter sense of betrayal, self-scorn. He was on their side, he was helping _humans. _ And then, to _humiliate her_, he asked her to help him, and those damn humans. She, would _not, _under _any _circumstances help those things, she would rather _die. _She wished she would. Just to die, freely purely, honorably. But that would be giving up.

She plunged the very dagger he gave her into his chest, feeling it squelch through his body. He didn't recoil in pain, he didn't let go of her, or fight back. He hugged her.

_'I tried.'_

He did. And so did she. This was their last chance.

And so, she agreed.

The rest she could barely remember: The monster looking for his head, the women of Iron Town, the fighting men, the fat one, and the two thinner ones. Then, the grasslands, the death of the Forest Spirit, and the return of the forest. Ashitaka's curse, which she learned later was bestowed upon him in a fight with the demon Nago, was lifted.

And so, they parted ways. And so, a new life began.

Moro was gone. She and her brothers loyally stayed at the place of her death for the whole night. There were no tears, no words, just cold lifeless thoughts. Nothing else.

Ashitaka promised to visit her. He did, and much sooner then she expected. What surprised her more was her own reaction. She was happy to see him, as if he were a brother, or a close friend from childhood. But not quite. It was that feeling, yes, but there was something more. It was that something she had yet to figure out.

And she saw him later, with a woman, gathering dead tree. She couldn't hear them, but they were making exaggerated movements, excitedly talking but something. He didn't see _her _though. Another strange feeling hit her: A mean pang in her chest. Why was Ashitaka causing all of these strange…feelings?

She shifted in the tree.

And now, she was watching the women in the area under her molding something out of lumps of mud.

She watched one set a mud-thing aside. She realized it looked like her two hands together, when she shaped them to drink water. It probably served the same purpose.

The women were all wearing cloth around their bodies. She herself had it too: In a particularly cold winter, when her leaves (the usual attire), had all shriveled up, she had lost her hide. The hide of Akio, her Grandfather. It had been passed to her, as she herself had no hide: Born a naked human child. But she forgot it in a cave (she found it two years later in the same place), and was left cold and shivering. It was stupid of her, and she didn't want to run around naked in the cold for the rest of the winter. Neither did she want to admit she had so carelessly lost her hide, to her mother. So she snuck into Iron Town, stark naked, and stolen the first cloth dress she could find. It was unbelievable ugly, so she cut it, and fashioned something a bit more to her taste. When that grew too short, she stole another one, and put the old one over it. She wouldn't admit it, but she liked her clothing, just like she liked her ugly hands.

She stared down at the women below. They had different clothes on. They were open, and much looser. And they had many different colors. The sight might have been nice if not for the sheer ugliness the women emitted.

They suddenly stopped talking and turned their heads towards another direction. Some ran over to it. San's vision was blocked by a branch, and she didn't want to move and make noise; she decided to wait till the women began talking again, and then shift positions.

The gradual murmur had started up again. She waited a bit till it rose to a louder volume, and then swung down under the branch to get a look.

It was the Gunwoman.

She stood out even uglier than the rest: tall, deathly pale, with dark circles under her eyes. Ugly. One arm was clutching at her right shoulder, which, San noted with a smirk, abruptly ended there. That was her mother's work, or rather her mother's _head's _work.

There were three women walking along with the Gunwoman, helping her sit down, do this and that.

San smiled. _Pathetic._

Revenge was sweet.

But as she looked at the horrid creature, that stupid Gun Woman, she couldn't feel any of the fire she felt whenever she saw her. The usual burning sensation that would give her energy to burst through the gates, to leap from to roof, dodge every wicked bullet they sent at her, was absent, leaving in it's place and empty crater, the cold howling wind being it's only occupant. No she didn't feel fire.

She felt pain.

She jumped out of the tree to go elsewhere, unnoticed by the women.

Revenge was sweet, yes, but only once she got the bitter taste of loss out of her mouth.

**I wanted to get San's character down in this chapter, so I really tried to see from her point of view. San is a ****wonderful character: Many positives and negatives, which makes her (ironically) human, and much more realistic than your typical heroine. Her position is also something relatively new for me: She was raised by wolves. She's wild. Many people forget this 'detail'…and have her be way more domestic than she really should be. So I got a bit personal… But San doesn't feel any of those 'human oddities'. She might seem a little blunt, but really, it's just the way she was raised. So yeah. **

**REVIEW! PLEASE! JUST TYPE, AND CLICK THE BUTTON! **


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